Assigned (Navy Seals of Little Creek Book 3) Read online

  I slip my arm around my mother, but she pushes me away. “We almost lost you.” Her voice is hoarse and ragged with pain.

  “But you didn’t, Mom. I’m right here.” I stand in front of her, willing her to really see me.

  “Yes. You’re here. You showed up at our door as weak as a kitten on a rainy night. Hurting in both body and spirit.” Dad doesn’t turn to face me as he sweeps.

  I take a step closer. “I’m not weak, Dad. I was sick. It’s different. I’m not fragile. I needed help for a few weeks, and I asked for it. Kind of like the way you needed Mom and me when you broke your leg after that colt threw you. Does the fact that we had to help you then mean you’re never allowed to do anything for yourself? That we shouldn’t allow you to dress yourself and bathe yourself because there were a few weeks when you couldn’t do it? Are you weak because you needed help?”

  My father jerks back as if smacked. He’d hated every single time he needed to ask one of us for help. His pride had taken a beating each time he’d leaned on us to get up the stairs or accepted the food we brought him on a tray. He hadn’t been able to wait to do everything for himself again.

  Just like I want to do what I can for myself now.

  Yet, my own words start to resonate. Guess my father isn’t the only bullheaded one in the family. A trait that is both a blessing and a curse, giving me the strength to fight for myself, but got in the way of asking for help when I needed it.

  “That was different, Riley,” Mom says.

  I turn, brow quirked up, and pin her with a stare. “Was it? Was it also different when you had your gallbladder removed and Grandma came to help? Are you never allowed to leave the house without an escort in case you might need another surgery? Are you now permanently damaged and in need of constant care because you were ill once?”

  She steps back, blinking rapidly, but remains quiet.

  I tap my toes and cross my arms over my tender middle. “The answer is no. Neither one of you is weak. You’re the strongest people I know. Guess what? I’m not weak either. So don’t treat me that way. I needed help and I asked for it. That’s a sign of strength. Not weakness. And it could happen again. I could need another surgery, or a new treatment, or a place to rest while I recover from a flare-up. I’m going to have Crohn’s for the rest of my life. I want to know I can lean on you when I need to without giving up everything.”

  “Of course you can lean on us. It’s what we want. It’s why you’re staying here, where you belong.” Dad straightens from sweeping the broken glass into the dustpan. “You may not like to think of yourself as fragile, Riley, but you are. We don’t know why all this started in the first place or what might set it off again.”

  I want to weep. “We do know, Dad. Doctor DeSilva said that the abscess probably formed because of my appendix perforating and that led to septicemia and now to here. To Crohn’s.” I bend over a bit too fast to get the griddle from the cabinet beneath the stove and the soreness in my stomach makes me grimace. I hide my face so my parents don’t see it, because if they did, it would be another point of contention, another thing they’d use against me.

  “And why did you end up with a perforated appendix, Riley?” Mom takes the griddle from my hands and bangs it down on the stove. “Because you refused to tell anyone you were in pain and let us take you to the hospital. Maybe if we’d gotten you there earlier, if we’d known you were suffering, we would have gotten you treatment and none of this would have happened. But you didn’t say a word. What choice do we have but to watch you like a hawk? I can’t lose another daughter, Riley. I simply can’t.”

  My heart breaks a little at the crack in her voice as she speaks, but it doesn’t change anything. “And I can’t live my life in a bubble, Mom. Why do you think I moved to Virginia?” I shake my head. Are they even listening, even trying to understand? Do they even see me?

  Dad crosses his arms over his chest. “Well, at least you had the sense to come home where you belong and where you need to stay.”

  I sink down into a chair. “I’m not staying, Dad.”

  His eyes bulge. He turns and with great precision dumps the broken glass into the waste can. Somehow he’s scarier when he’s quiet like this. I almost want him to yell at me again. “And who precisely do you think you’re going back to, Riley? To Lucas? Who will take care of you when he’s off God knows where for God knows how long? For Pete’s sake, Riley, he hasn’t even called you since you’ve been home. Do you think he even cares?”

  The tears that threatened earlier are hot as they make their way down my cheeks. Yup, today was indeed the day for my marriage to be discussed—or fought over. And to make matters worse, Lucas hasn’t contacted me in the two and a half weeks since I’ve returned home. But I haven’t tried to contact him either. Hell, I didn’t even say goodbye. Hightailed it out of there while he was out so he couldn’t stop me, because if he really understood what was going on, he would have tried. And if he tried, he might have succeeded. Lord knows, I wish I could have figured out how to stay.

  Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. Lisa thought I was unreliable because I hadn’t shown up to pick up Mason. If she found out why, she could use my illness as proof I could never be relied on. Damned if I did and damned if I didn’t. Staying in Lucas’s life meant putting more barriers up between him and Mason, and I couldn’t do that to either of them.

  “You’re wrong, Daddy. Dead wrong. Listen to me because I want to be crystal clear, I didn’t leave Lucas because he couldn’t take care of me. I chose to leave. I was protecting him and his son. I felt it would be better for him and for Mason at the custody hearing if I was gone. So while I appreciate the help while I’m recovering, I ask—no, I demand—you abide by the boundaries I set, including not speaking negatively about my former husband.”

  My heart stutters at those last words. I’d received the paperwork to formalize my decision to leave the program before my surgery. My parents had been nosy but I told them it was in regard to ending my lease. Luckily, they didn’t push because that would have given them more time to argue with me. I’d mailed the paperwork out right away as I didn’t want to impede any custody decisions with Lucas that might have been occurring.

  The starch leaves my father’s shoulders. My mother turns off the stove and goes to stand next to him. The united front they’ve presented my whole life. No matter what.

  But I’m not done speaking my truth. “And it’s not just about him. I’ve been volunteering to help kids who’d lost a parent to war. Gold Star families. Out on the water, they smile, open up. They share things. They trust me.” Tears start to well in my eyes at those last words. Mason trusted me too. Enough to open up about what he was struggling with. “I may not be like most others, but I do have purpose, a life of my own.”

  Dad’s posture falters and he lets out an audible sigh. “We never thought you were weak, Riley. Not after everything you’ve been through, the way you’ve fought tooth and nail every step of the way. We’re just trying to protect our baby girl like you were trying to protect Lucas’s little boy.”

  And without knowing it, or expecting it, my father gut-punched me. Because suddenly, I do understand. I understand why they would do anything to protect me because I would do anything to protect Lucas and Mason. And Lucas would do anything to protect me, except I took that opportunity away from him. I made the decision for him like my parents had done to me on many occasions.

  I hug both my parents, earning a startled oof from both of them. “I love you,” I whisper. Then I go upstairs, get out paper and pen, and start to write a letter.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Lucas

  I run the side of my thumb along a line of the fake woodgrain on the conference table where I sit across from Lisa. Jayla, the mediator, clears her throat and I snap back into the room.

  “And both of you find this agreement acceptable?”

  When Jayla first came in, I thought she was too nice. Her facial expression an
d tone were caring, almost like that of a kindergarten teacher. Figured she wasn’t going to understand what my life was like or how being a SEAL worked, and she wouldn’t see anything from my point of view. I was wrong. As soft as she appears, and as understated and calm as her voice is, Jayla rules the room with an iron first. Lisa and I both learned not to step out of line while she presided over the mediation. No name calling. No accusations. No assumptions.

  All Jayla’s interested in is what’s best for Mason. In the end, it turns out that was all Lisa and I were interested in too. It just took us a while to see that from the other one’s perspective.

  I nod and Lisa says, “Yes. It’s acceptable.”

  Jayla smiles, revealing a small gap between her front teeth. She stands up. “I’ll get the paperwork for you to sign together. You should be hearing from me in a couple of days with the finalized agreement.” She pauses. “I want to thank you both for staying focused on your son throughout what can be a difficult and contentious process. Not everyone can do that, but you two did. It shows what a good team you can be as parents, even if you don’t want to be married to each other anymore.”

  I look over at Lisa. Pink stains her cheeks. I mumble a thank you and the mediator leaves the conference room.

  Lisa and I stand too. I hold the door open for her. As we walk out, she says, “Well, that was easier than I expected.”

  “Sure was.” I’d anticipated a lot more push back from Lisa about how much time I wanted to spend with Mason and how I wanted to arrange it. She’d come in loaded for bear, but had gotten a lot less combative with Jayla continually bringing us back to what really mattered: Mason.

  Lisa stops at the door that leads out to the parking lot. The glass has a slight mist on it from the humidity outside, but I can still see the magnolia tree dropping fat, pink leaves onto my truck. “I never wanted to keep you and Mason apart, you know.”

  That was news to me. “Sure seemed that way at the time.” I step back and jam my hands into my jeans pockets, waiting for her to go on.

  “I know you love Mason and he adores you. I don’t want to stand in the way of that.”

  I fix her with a look and then gesture back at the mediation room behind us. “Then why did we have to go through all this?” I don’t say it with rancor in my voice or in my heart. I honestly want to know.

  Lisa blows out a breath. “It was Riley. And the shock of the situation, of finding out you were married without you even telling me, that there was this woman I didn’t know personally who was suddenly going to be in our son’s life. A woman who you told me about, and not in a good way.”

  Looking back, I should’ve handled the situation differently all around. Lisa might’ve still been guarded against the program at first, but I had Tony and Jim to explain the inner workings if needed. My lack of communication ended up causing a nearly catastrophic issue Though, not sure she would have felt at ease with the Riley match. And I can’t blame her. I did open up to my first ex-wife about my high school relationship during our marriage.

  My chest tightens. First ex-wife. The paperwork ending our participation in the program was filed and according to what Redding relayed during our meeting it would take four to six weeks for the annulment to become official. Then again an annulment means the marriage never existed, so Riley wouldn’t legally be considered my ex-wife. Doesn’t change how it feels in my heart though.

  I blow out an audible breath. “Should have let you know when I signed up. But you could’ve let me talk to you about Riley. Or we could have come up with a temporary solution if that was a point of contention.”

  She traces a finger down the condensation on the inside of the door, drawing a snaking line in the mist and laughs, but it doesn’t sound like she really thinks anything is funny. “I want you to be happy, Lucas. I really do. Just a shame you ended up with Riley, who left at the first sign of trouble with no explanation, just like all those years ago. And now Mason is affected by her actions.”

  I can understand her perspective, but I want Lisa to know she’s wrong about Riley. That I was wrong about Riley. The letter that arrived yesterday morning from her made it clear. “If it wasn’t for her, Mason might still be getting tormented by the kids at that school. They might still be telling him every day his dad didn’t love him and had walked away from him. He’d be growing up thinking his father didn’t care about him. Is that what you want for him? You know what a father’s love means to a boy.”

  Lisa drops her hand from the door. “What are you saying?”

  Now it’s my moment to be surprised. “You didn’t know? The teacher didn’t tell you about what happened at the parent-teacher conference Riley went to? Mason didn’t say anything?”

  “Not a word from either of them.” Her eyes narrowed. “Or from you.”

  I look down at my feet. “We weren’t exactly talking calmly to each other at the time.” In fact, every time we spoke back then, we fought.

  She groans. “You’re right. I own some of that. Now tell me what happened at the parent-teacher conference.”

  I fill her in on the way Mason had confided in Riley, but not in either of us, and how Riley had stood up for him with a teacher who had been hell-bent on blaming him for the cruelty of other children.

  Lisa shuts her eyes for a moment and when she opens them, I see a glisten of tears on their surface. “I didn’t know. Poor Mason. No wonder he was getting in so many fights.”

  “Riley is the one who cleared all that up.”

  “What about when she was supposed to pick him up and didn’t show? And sent Inara instead without a word to me.” Lisa lifts her chin. She’s not ready to concede. “I can’t rely on someone who blows our kid off whenever it’s inconvenient for her to show up.”

  “She was ill. Had an emergency doctor’s appointment. And she didn’t blow off Mason. She made sure someone he knew and trusted and who loved him would pick him up. I’d say that made her more reliable than most during a medical emergency. She made sure our son was taken care of.”

  “She didn’t tell me she was ill.” Lisa shifts her purse to her other shoulder.

  “She was afraid you’d use it against her, against me. That you’d say she was too sick to help care for a child.”

  Lisa shakes her head. “I feel awful, Lucas. I didn’t know any of this. I thought she was playing with your feelings and Mason was part of her manipulation. I didn’t realize how much she was there for him.”

  I sigh. “Well, now you do.”

  Not that it makes any difference. Riley’s gone. I lost her.

  Again.

  “Where is she, Lucas?” Lisa asks, bringing me back to the moment.

  I shove my hands into the pockets on my suit pants. “She dropped out of the program and went home to Texas. She needed another surgery and decided annulling our marriage and going home was best so she didn’t cause any more trouble for me or for Mason.”

  And I let her go.

  “Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”

  “Some of it I just learned today. She, uh, sent a letter explaining her decision.” So typical of Riley. A handwritten letter.

  My ex-wife closes her eyes for a moment and rubs her left temple. “Let me get this straight. She left you and the program because she cared so much about you and Mason that she didn’t want to get in the way of your relationship.”

  I nod.

  Lisa pauses, the muscles in her face softening. “Do you love her?”

  I nod again, not trusting my voice to hold.

  Lisa steps in and smacks me on the shoulder. Hard. “You idiot. Go get her.”

  My eyes go wide. “What?”

  “I said, go get her. You’ve been in love with that girl your whole damn life, from what I can tell, and now you’re telling me she loves you back? And that she’s willing to put her own happiness aside for the sake of our son? What on God’s green earth is wrong with you? Go get her.” Lisa pushes the door open and marches out into the parking l
ot, leaving me with my mouth open.

  I follow more slowly, making my way to my truck. “What do I have to offer? Really? Just look at us, at this current mess.”

  Lisa spins around, eyes narrowed. “First, don’t pin this on me solely. Remember, you divulged a lot about her over the years. About how she broke your heart, about how her family judged you and yours. I’m part of your family. We have a son together. Your parents were my in-laws and I adore them. What was I supposed to think, to feel? Not to mention you certainly need to work on your communication skills.”

  No sense in arguing. Part of all this is on me. Well, most of it.

  “And second,”—Lisa throws her hands up in the air dramatically—“you are so focused on the hurt from your past, from the circumstances of the way you grew up, you aren’t stepping back to see what you have to offer. That is for you to discover. I can ramble off a list, but it won’t make a difference if you don’t figure it out for yourself.”

  Once again, Lisa has a fair point. It’s not like she hasn’t told me things over the years, only for me to question them. To question myself.

  I shove my hands into my pockets and clear my throat. “Need a favor?”

  She quirks a brow but remains silent. I rock back and forth on my heels. “Can you not mention anything to my parents? Haven’t exactly told them anything yet.”

  Lisa crosses her arms in front of her chest. “I gathered, especially after they made a comment about how they’d hoped you’d find someone again.”

  “What? When did they say that?”

  Lisa’s arms drop to her sides. “When I told them that I was engaged. It was about time they knew, especially when they offered to come up during your last deployment and I turned down the offer. Didn’t want them to feel it was personal.”

  “Oh.” I scratch the back of my head. “How’d they take it?”

  “They were a bit melancholy, especially your mom.” Lisa steps closer and places a hand on my shoulder. “But I reinforced we are still family.”