Hearts Unleashed Page 17

  Her safety was in his hands and he wasn’t going to let anything happen to her.

  Because you’ve done such a good job of that so far.

  He wanted to punch his own brain. But it spoke the truth. When her truck overturned, it hadn’t been him who’d come to her rescue. It was Koda.

  Koda.

  Her toenails clicked against the floor as she walked over to him. “Hey, girl.”

  Koda jumped up on the sofa and lay in his lap. His hand ran over the soft fur of her belly. “If only you could tell me exactly what happened. Was it Peter? Or someone else?”

  Her brown eyes were darker than usual in the dim light of the living room. With a sigh, he removed his hand.

  “Go on. Back to Katie.” He motioned to the stairs. “Schützen Katie.”

  There was no proof it had been anything but an accident. Nor proof there’d been an intruder the night they’d come back from the police station either, except for the damp sink.

  But the ruined fences. Those were deliberate.

  Someone had a grudge against the Lockes, and he was going to make sure whoever it was didn’t hurt anyone.

  This time, I’m not going to fail.

  He stared at the TV without seeing it. He hadn’t protected his brother—but he would be damned if he would fail Katie.

  • • •

  Snow. Just what we need. John stood in the ranch house kitchen looking out at the sky covered in thick clouds as far as the eye could see. It wasn’t just monotonous, it was oppressive. Despite the warmth of the kitchen, he shivered.

  The day had a dull, muted light, making it hard to judge time. To him, it had felt the night stretched on and on as he sat in the living room waiting for dawn to come so he could take action. Now he stood, coffee in hand, weighing the best thing to do.

  He’d called around the neighboring ranches for help righting the toppled truck, but everyone seemed to be busy scrambling to get ready before the bad weather hit. He and Peter could try using the tractor to tow it back onto its wheels, but after their confrontation yesterday, John wasn’t sure he was willing to work with the man on so delicate a task. But the longer they left the truck out there, the bigger the chances of it incurring serious damage.

  There was the sound of footsteps on the stairs, followed by Katie’s voice. “What’re you up to, Nicky? Where are your two buddies?”

  He grinned, looking into the hall. Trust Nickel not to miss the opportunity for tummy rubs. She lay on the floor, her tail wagging, as Katie bent down to pet her. “I’ve already let them out.”

  She let out a little squeal and turned hard on her knees.

  “Sorry.” He took a step toward her. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “Thought you’d be out working. I’m surprised you didn’t pound on my door yelling ‘it’s eleven already’.” She fidgeted with the collar of her shirt.

  He coughed, hoping his face wasn’t giving his feelings away. “I made coffee.”

  “Yes, grandpa.” She grinned and stepped into the kitchen. “What’s this?”

  His fingers ran through his hair. “I also made breakfast.”

  “You did?”

  “Figured it was fair. You did cook me dinner after all.”

  “Unhappily for you, Joanne told me she left breakfast last night. What do you say to that, ranch foreman?” Her eyes sparkled; she was pleased with herself.

  He groaned. “Okay, you caught me out. But I’ll have you know, I heated everything myself.”

  She sat at the table, looking around the kitchen. “Where’s Joanne?”

  “Couldn’t make it in. The weather’s bad and there’s a chance we might get cut off. I told her not to risk it.” He cast a look at her.

  To his relief, she merely nodded. “She can’t chance being separated from her sons. Good call.”

  For a moment, he caught himself wondering what kind of mother Katie would make—and took a hasty sip of coffee. He must be seriously overtired if that was where his mind was going. “It gets worse.”

  “Oh?” She looked up from her own cup of coffee.

  “I have been trying to get a group together to retrieve the truck, but no luck. Seems like this sudden shift in the weather caught everyone by surprise. Two of the ranch hands have called to say they can’t come in, and the third isn’t answering his phone.”

  “And the fourth?”

  “Is Peter.” He rolled his eyes. What were the odds the only one of their ranch hands to show up was the one he least wanted to see?

  She pursed her lips. “Why does that not surprise me?” She leaned against the kitchen counter. “And Linda?”

  “Sent me a message saying she’d be late. She had to go into town for a…” He glanced at his phone. “Special delivery.”

  “At a time like this?”

  “She left me instructions to take care of the sick calves. I’ve already been out to tend to them.” He straightened, and took a plate of hash browns and omelet out of the microwave. “Now it’s your turn.”

  “Hope you’re not proposing to dose me with medicine.” She stuck her tongue out, before sitting at the table. “Mmm. Got to say, the housekeeper was definitely one of your better ideas.”

  “Wait. Are you saying I have good ideas?”

  “Only occasionally. Don’t let it go to your head.”

  “With you around to keep me in place? Not a chance.”

  She grinned at him and kept eating.

  He sipped at his coffee. The atmosphere between them was companionable. It was different from the moment they’d shared the night before, but just as intimate.

  “Morning Two Bits, Koda.” She smiled as the two dogs joined Nickel in the kitchen. “Isn’t Koda well behaved? Look at her. The other dogs are shameless, but I’ve never seen her beg for food, have you?”

  He froze.

  “Must be her training.” Her eyes fell on him and she sat up, putting her fork down. “John?”

  “There’s something I haven’t told you.” His chest tightened. He knew this was a big mistake. She’d opened up to him. Trusted him. And what he was about to do would rip it all away. “Something I should have told you a long time ago.”

  “Nothing good ever came from a statement like that.” She tried to laugh. “It’s too early in the morning to be this serious.”

  “I am serious.” He took a deep breath. “I—”

  There was the sound of a truck pulling up outside.

  “Someone’s here.”

  “Forget them.” He knew if he didn’t do this now, he never would. “Look, Katie. I—”

  The front door was flung open. “Isn’t anyone going to welcome a poor man home?”

  “Dad!” She was on her feet and racing for the door, Nickel and Two Bits chasing after her in a mad race to greet Mitch first.

  Goddammit!

  John couldn’t be mad at the man for his recovery, but if only he’d timed it better. He counted to ten before making his way to the porch where Katie was still hugging her father.

  “And here’s our foreman.” Mitch freed a hand to shake his, grinning widely but still looking pale and thin.

  “Welcome home, sir.” He looked past him to Linda, leaning against her truck, arms crossed and with a satisfied expression on her face. “This is the special delivery?”

  She nodded. “He wanted it to be a surprise. And with the weather turning, well, it was now or never.”

  “Dad! If you knew the weather was bad, you should have stayed at the hospital! What if something goes wrong?”

  “Nothing will go wrong. I tell you, I feel fit as a fiddle.”

  She steered her father toward the door. “Inside. Now.”

  John chuckled. If Mitch had thought the nurses at the hospital were hard work, he was about to get a shock.

  Linda carried a suitcase past him. “I took the liberty of picking up some supplies in town. Help me unload this stuff, will you?”

  He walked over to her truck and picked up a jug marked
“chlorhexidine gluconate” and dragged it out of the flatbed. Some of the fluid splashed, running down the sides of the jug and over his hand.

  The acrid scent of the liquid burned his nostrils. His damp forearm tingled from the cold. His vision clouded but he knew exactly where he was. Back in the medical tent at the makeshift base thousands of miles from home, with the bastards who had set the IED out there waiting for a chance for a second go.

  Consciousness threatened to slip away from him. He fought the darkness flooding his vision. Nausea nearly overwhelmed him but was drowned out by sharp, burning pain in his chest and shoulder. A pungent metallic odor flooded his nose—blood. Something cold and wet touched his skin. A medic. One of our guys.

  The medic worked fast, with no time to be gentle. John breathed in antiseptic. The smell triggered his nausea. Bile rose in his throat. I can’t move! He gagged, struggling to breathe.

  An unseen person grasped him with strong hands, rolling him onto his side. “Suction, dammit, suction!”

  He vomited over the side of the table he lay on. As he struggled to clear his vision, there was a gurgling roar beside him. Something pushed into his mouth, probing his throat. What’s the matter with my throat?

  He screamed but nothing came out. I’m awake! I’m here! I feel that!

  The screaming in his head was deafening. Something razor sharp sliced into his flesh, leaving the agony of a firebrand in its wake. Please—please let me pass out. I can’t take any more of this. The mind was supposed to disconnect, to protect itself from the horror flooding his senses. He tried to lift his arm, push the razor away. Tried to open his eyes. What’s wrong? Why doesn’t my body work? He failed.

  Stop—stop!

  The pain went on for hours. By the time he felt the darkness creeping over the edges of his consciousness, wrapping his mind in emptiness, he was too tired to do anything but give in.

  “John!”

  The voice seemed to come from miles away.

  He breathed heavily, staring at the gravel beneath his fingers. It was too regular to be desert. His mind struggled to place it, and then he caught sight of a tire in the edge of his vision. Linda’s truck. His body heaved, as though he was going to be sick again. He was on all fours at the ranch—and he had an audience.

  “John!” Katie collapsed onto her knees beside his hunched form.

  He shut his eyes. The gasps wracking his form momentarily subsided only to be replaced with great, sobbing gulps of air. His shirt clung to his back with sweat. It was cold.

  “Katie, don’t touch him.” Linda’s voice. She stood at a distance.

  “John, we’re here.” Katie sounded scared.

  He tasted salt. The dampness on his cheeks wasn’t sweat but tears—his tears. Fuck me. He couldn’t move.

  A sharp bark and the clatter of paws kicked up dust from the gravel. Koda pushed her nuzzle past his fingers, whining as she licked his face. Move, dammit, move! As if his strings had been cut, he slumped back against the wheel of the truck.

  He screwed his eyes shut, reaching for the side of the truck to pull himself up. Once on his feet, he headed for the bunkhouse, Koda at his side. The flashback had been bad enough, but being seen at his weakest was a nightmare all its own. He worked so hard to keep the barriers in place that protected him from this sort of humiliation, and with a few splashes from a bottle of skin scrub solution, it was all ripped away. The woman he’d fallen in love with had just seen him fall apart on the ground. Not the kind of image you could remove from someone’s mind. She’d accepted most of the rest. But this—even he would run.

  “John, please don’t block me out.” Katie had followed him. “Tell me what’s going on.”

  “Leave me alone!”

  “I’m here for you.”

  “I don’t need you. Get the fuck out!” He slammed the bathroom door. He heard Katie sobbing but when he saw his reflection, inhaled the smell of urine, it was just too much. His fist crashed through the mirror, shards of glass clanking into the sink.

  “John?”

  “Get the fuck away from me!” His knuckles connected with the wooden door. The force of the blow split them open. He heard her stumble backward. His gut twisted. Bile filled his mouth. He’d scared her. He could feel it. This is the monster I am.

  He flipped the nozzle to turn on the shower. It took a minute or two for the water to heat up, and he could hear other voices outside. Mitch and Linda. He stepped in, burying his head under the cascade of scalding water to drown out the world. He concentrated on the burning sensation as he sank to the floor. I should probably adjust the water’s temperature. But the thought was dull, disconnected from the rest of him. He wanted to feel something other than the pain inside.

  He stayed in the shower until the hot water turned ice-cold. When it became unbearable, he stepped out and wrapped himself in a towel. He threw on his shirt before walking out, making sure he was covered.

  Outside the bathroom, Mitch, Linda, and Katie sat on the couch, waiting for him. His muscles tensed, preparing for what was inevitably going to come. There was no way they were going to keep him on after an outburst like that.

  Katie instantly rose to her feet. Before she could say anything, he stalked off to the bedroom and shut the door. He knew he’d lost his job. Once he got himself dressed, he stuffed his belongings into his pack.

  When he emerged, duffel bag over his shoulder, Mitch glared at him.

  Here it comes.

  He braced himself.

  “Where do you think you’re going, son?” Although it was a question, Mitch’s tone was stern.

  “Home. I know I’m fired.” His eyes focused on the door. His exit.

  “Did I say that?”

  God, really? Now he was being treated like a child.

  “Son, take a seat. You’re not being fired.”

  “Why?” He still couldn’t look at the man. Or anyone else.

  “Besides the fact you’re a damn good foreman? John, we all care about you.”

  “John, we know you’re suffering. Katie’s told me about the nightmares. We see it in Koda too,” Linda began. “We see the commercials. Read the stories about soldiers returning and what they go through. The reality is none of us really understood—until we actually saw it. It doesn’t mean we look at you any different.”

  “But you do.” His eyes went right to Katie. “Look, I don’t belong here anymore. Katie, yesterday was a mistake. We are a mistake. It will never work.”

  “Why would you say that?” Her bottom lip quivered.

  “Because you’re not the only fucked-up one,” he lashed out. Her jaw instantly dropped and he realized what he just said. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “Yes, you did.” Her eyes were swollen, her cheeks stained with tears. She turned toward the door.

  “You need someone strong. Who can protect you without going to pieces over some goddamned chemicals.” He looked down. His hands shook. “Look at me. I’m pathetic. Thought I could help—and I’ve only made it worse. Like I always do.”

  “Look, son. You’re upset.” Mitch was practical. “We can talk this over when you’ve had time to calm down.”

  “No need.” He hefted the duffel bag. “I won’t be back.”

  “You’re not fired.”

  “I quit.” He turned to face Mitch. “Sir. You gave me a chance when so many others wouldn’t have. I hate to prove them right, but I’ll never forget what you did for me.”

  “Then stay,” Mitch said. “We need you.”

  “You need someone who isn’t broken. Someone who won’t let you down.”

  “Let me down? You and Katie took care of the ranch while I was laid up.”

  “He wants to go, let him go.” Katie’s voice was hard. “It’s like I said from the start, we don’t need quitters on this ranch. And he’s just a passing cowboy wannabe.”

  He swiveled his head to stare at her.

  “If you want to run away, that’s fine,” she said. “But don�
��t try and pretend you’re doing it for our good. Admit it, John. You’re scared. You always have been and you always will be.”

  “You don’t know a single damned thing about it,” he growled, but his voice lacked venom.

  She folded her arms. “I know I’m right. And you do, too.”

  He turned away but it was too late. He couldn’t escape her words.

  “You can’t run, John. Not from yourself.”

  Chapter 25

  Katie’s body shook. Every muscle was on edge. She wanted to cry. To scream. To shout. Instead, she focused on holding her body still. Her eyes stung, but she resisted the urge to wipe them. She was not giving John the pleasure of seeing her distress. “You can’t run, John. Not from yourself.”

  Trust me. I know.

  John swung around unsteadily, making for his truck.

  Her dad cast a helpless look around at her and Linda, and followed after him. They watched in silence as he threw his duffel bag into the back of his truck.

  He’s really leaving. She drew a deep breath. She hadn’t believed he would.

  Every instinct she possessed screamed at her to go to him, to beg, to cry, to do anything to stop him leaving. The gentle pressure of her father’s hand kept her where she was. I can’t stop him. Until he saw the truth of her words, there was nothing she—or anyone—could do.

  I’m not enough. She looked at her feet, unwilling to see the moment when he drove off, leaving her behind. I’m weak—too weak. If she’d been stronger, he wouldn’t have pushed himself to the point of breakdown trying to protect her. And he wouldn’t be leaving—

  “So, our foreman is leaving?”

  Peter. She stiffened, but didn’t raise her face to look at him. She took a deep breath, concentrating on getting her expression neutral. She’d be damned if she let Peter see her upset.

  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Peter step out of the barn. His coat was damp, and his boots splattered with mud. Clearly, he’d been out and about on the ranch already.

  Her father murmured something conciliatory, but Peter didn’t wait for him to finish. “He’s not taking his dog with him?”